A little over 30 years ago, I moved from the Atlanta area to Dayton, OH. A couple of weeks after moving here, I met the man who would become my husband a short year later. We met in the Radio Shack store he ran here in Dayton and had our first date a month later. My sweet hubby will tell you he was smitten before that first date! For me, it took a little longer to drop my guard.
I had been married for a very short 3 months, a year before moving to Dayton and just didn't trust men at all. I didn't trust myself either! Our first date was to play putt-putt golf and then went with some of his friends to Wiley's Comedy Club. Little did I know that I was very sick at the time. He took me home and we sat in the car in front of my parents' home for, I'm guessing about an hour, before I was out cold! Yep! I passed out from a raging infection that was in my body and I had no idea. Over that next week, I went to the doctor 3 times for shots of penicillin and every night Terry came to see me.
Over the next several months, we saw each other almost every night and talked on the phone every night. By the fall I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this wonderful, loving man. We got engaged at Christmas and were married in May of the following year.
In the past 29 years of marriage we have become closer and closer in our relationship. So close in fact that we joke sometimes that we share a brain! To say that God joined us as one on our wedding day would be the understatement of the year. This is the man that completes me and makes me whole.
I have struggled with my faith over those 29 years and always, Terry's faith in God and how God works all things out for good has strengthened me. He has been the spiritual head of our house showing not only me but both of our daughters what a godly husband looks like. My faith has been shaken by the loss of a child, 5 years of not being able to leave my home because of fear, almost losing a second child, financial burdens, the loss of my Daddy and my mother-in-law within 2 years of each other and many more experiences. But my husband has never failed to show great faith and helped me to walk through the pain and look to my God for comfort.
In the last 3 years, my sweet husband has had heart health issues. These issues could have had devastating results if not caught and taken care of. Nevertheless, my heart was aching at the thought of him suffering. We have learned many things over the last three years about how precious every single minute of life is and we try not to take them for granted.
God gave me a strong man for a husband and he owns my heart. He is actually away on business as I write this blog and even though he just left this morning, I know I will not sleep tonight without him near. That is the kind of love every woman should experience at least once in her life. He is the man of my heart!
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Words From The Heart
I will not apologize for what I am about to write. I feel very strongly about the words we use and the attitude with which we use them. I regret that some will possibly be upset with me about the words I am about to post here but I need to say them.
Words are like the perverbial two edged sword. They can build people up or tear them apart. They can make you happy or make you sad. Being raised in the south, I learned some words can be detrimental - bigotry because of ones race being at the forefront. I grew up in Georgia in the sixties and seventies and one would think the prejudices toward "colored" people would have been over by then. You would think it would be over by 2011 but unfortunately it is not.
Words about the way a person looks - size, height, etc. - are often said without thought but hurt just as much. I have always had weight issues and have been teased and tormented about my weight most of my life. People who love me have said things to me about my weight without realizing how their words and teasing hurt. Once those words come flying out of your mouth, you can't take them back. Oh, you can apologize for them, but the damage has been done.
It wasn't until recently, the last couple of weeks, that I realized why I still hold on to this weight. I think I have realized it is a control issue. I don't have to please anyone. I don't have to do anything I don't want to, so if I want to remain overweight for the rest of my life, I can. I am a grown woman afterall!
I don't want to be this way. I want so desperately to lose weight and be a normal size for a 5'4" woman, whatever that normal size is. I want to be able to chase after grandchildren when they come. I want to go for a nice long walk on the beach with the man of my dreams and not be so winded and in so much pain that I can't move the next day. I want all of this and more. So why don't you lose the weight, you might ask? I DON'T KNOW! If I had the answer to that, I probably wouldn't fail at every weight loss attempt I make.
I have come to the conclusion that if I don't love myself as I am, how will I ever love myself as a different - slimmer - person? I am trying so hard to love myself as I am. I am making progress, it helps that I have a wonderful husband who loves me just as I am. I am making progress and making improvements in my lifestyle. Eating healthy, starting to workout again, etc. I am learning to make positive comments to myself instead of being negative. I can always find something good about myself and my attitude.
I say all of the above to say this one comment: Please don't make rash statements that will hurt the person you are talking to (or about for that matter). We are all created in the image of a loving God and we are all "fearfully and wonderfully made". If you see someone different from yourself - fat, thin, black, white, yellow, purple, tall, short, one legged or three - love them for who they are, not for who you think they should be. I'm not talking about tolerence here, I'm talking about acceptance. People don't always choose to be the way they are.
Words are like the perverbial two edged sword. They can build people up or tear them apart. They can make you happy or make you sad. Being raised in the south, I learned some words can be detrimental - bigotry because of ones race being at the forefront. I grew up in Georgia in the sixties and seventies and one would think the prejudices toward "colored" people would have been over by then. You would think it would be over by 2011 but unfortunately it is not.
Words about the way a person looks - size, height, etc. - are often said without thought but hurt just as much. I have always had weight issues and have been teased and tormented about my weight most of my life. People who love me have said things to me about my weight without realizing how their words and teasing hurt. Once those words come flying out of your mouth, you can't take them back. Oh, you can apologize for them, but the damage has been done.
It wasn't until recently, the last couple of weeks, that I realized why I still hold on to this weight. I think I have realized it is a control issue. I don't have to please anyone. I don't have to do anything I don't want to, so if I want to remain overweight for the rest of my life, I can. I am a grown woman afterall!
I don't want to be this way. I want so desperately to lose weight and be a normal size for a 5'4" woman, whatever that normal size is. I want to be able to chase after grandchildren when they come. I want to go for a nice long walk on the beach with the man of my dreams and not be so winded and in so much pain that I can't move the next day. I want all of this and more. So why don't you lose the weight, you might ask? I DON'T KNOW! If I had the answer to that, I probably wouldn't fail at every weight loss attempt I make.
I have come to the conclusion that if I don't love myself as I am, how will I ever love myself as a different - slimmer - person? I am trying so hard to love myself as I am. I am making progress, it helps that I have a wonderful husband who loves me just as I am. I am making progress and making improvements in my lifestyle. Eating healthy, starting to workout again, etc. I am learning to make positive comments to myself instead of being negative. I can always find something good about myself and my attitude.
I say all of the above to say this one comment: Please don't make rash statements that will hurt the person you are talking to (or about for that matter). We are all created in the image of a loving God and we are all "fearfully and wonderfully made". If you see someone different from yourself - fat, thin, black, white, yellow, purple, tall, short, one legged or three - love them for who they are, not for who you think they should be. I'm not talking about tolerence here, I'm talking about acceptance. People don't always choose to be the way they are.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Daddy's Heart
For those of you who never knew my Daddy, I thought I would share a little about him and how his teaching me changed my heart. Daddy was raised in Smyrna, GA and attended GA Tech to become an Industrial Engineer. He served in the USAF as a radio man and was in the AF when I was born in Columbia, SC. He was a man who loved God, loved his wife and family and loves life in general. Growing up, he taught me and my brothers to play baseball and coached my brothers teams for years. I guess he thought at 14 I was too old to be playing boys games and told me I needed to learn to cook. The first thing I learned to cook was corn bread...that turned out a lot better than the first biscuits I made (think hockey pucks!). Anyway, my love for all kinds of music come from Daddy too. We used to play Name That Tune all the time and I thinmk we were both pretty good at it. Daddy taught me how to dance and I will never forget those times we went to the "square" dance in Alpharetta. He and my Mama looked so good out there on that dance floor. They loved to dance!
Daddy always told me there wouldn't always be a man around to do things for me so I needed to learn to do them for myself. He taught me how to change a tire, change the oil in my car and then let me get my driver's license. He taught me to stand up straight and sit up straight, telling me "no body will hire you as a secretary if you slump over your desk!" He taught me how to show respect and how to respect myself. When I became an adult and was working for the same company he was working for, he would always make sure he took me to dinner while he was in Atlanta. That made me feel so special and grown up.
One of the most important lessons Daddy taught me was how to love. No, not in so many words but by the way he loved my Mama. My marriage today is the way it is because of the way those two loved each other. They set a wonderful example for us kids and I don't know that they even realize they were doing that. We lost Daddy to Cancer almost 8 years ago now and my mother's love for Daddy is still very real and very evident. We all miss him very much but he is with Jesus and someday we will all be together again.
Another important thing Daddy taught me was how to love God. Daddy was always asking us questions about the Bible...quizzing us to see if we really knew. He loved the Word and loved the history of the Bible. I spoke at Daddy's funeral that day in February and it is only through the love of THE FATHER that I was able to do that. Had I not learned about God, the Holy Spirit and Jesus from my Daddy, I know there is no way I would have been able to speak that day.
My Daddy was a great man in my world and I loved him very much. I see a lot of him and his mannerisms in my children, which is kind of weird. I see him in my brothers too but most of all, I see him when I least expect it in the little things. When I catch myself slouching, I can still hear his voice telling me to get my shoulders back. When my husband and I play Name That Tune in the car, I can see his face and EVERY time I hear or sing How Great Thou Art I see his face.
I guess you could say this is a tribute to my Daddy and hopfeully, that's ok. He was on my heart all weekend and I just wanted to share about him in this place.
Robert Harvey Hardage - 1/16/35 - 2/20/04
Daddy always told me there wouldn't always be a man around to do things for me so I needed to learn to do them for myself. He taught me how to change a tire, change the oil in my car and then let me get my driver's license. He taught me to stand up straight and sit up straight, telling me "no body will hire you as a secretary if you slump over your desk!" He taught me how to show respect and how to respect myself. When I became an adult and was working for the same company he was working for, he would always make sure he took me to dinner while he was in Atlanta. That made me feel so special and grown up.
One of the most important lessons Daddy taught me was how to love. No, not in so many words but by the way he loved my Mama. My marriage today is the way it is because of the way those two loved each other. They set a wonderful example for us kids and I don't know that they even realize they were doing that. We lost Daddy to Cancer almost 8 years ago now and my mother's love for Daddy is still very real and very evident. We all miss him very much but he is with Jesus and someday we will all be together again.
Another important thing Daddy taught me was how to love God. Daddy was always asking us questions about the Bible...quizzing us to see if we really knew. He loved the Word and loved the history of the Bible. I spoke at Daddy's funeral that day in February and it is only through the love of THE FATHER that I was able to do that. Had I not learned about God, the Holy Spirit and Jesus from my Daddy, I know there is no way I would have been able to speak that day.
My Daddy was a great man in my world and I loved him very much. I see a lot of him and his mannerisms in my children, which is kind of weird. I see him in my brothers too but most of all, I see him when I least expect it in the little things. When I catch myself slouching, I can still hear his voice telling me to get my shoulders back. When my husband and I play Name That Tune in the car, I can see his face and EVERY time I hear or sing How Great Thou Art I see his face.
I guess you could say this is a tribute to my Daddy and hopfeully, that's ok. He was on my heart all weekend and I just wanted to share about him in this place.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Starting Over
This blog is about the way life has a way of changing our heart in some way with every situation we come into. I hope all who read it will be inspired, will find humor, will enjoy it and come back again and again.
First a little about me. I was raised in Marietta, GA by two parents who were so in love that I think they breathed the same air and shared brain cells. They were never afraid to show affection toward each other in front of me and my 3 brothers. When I was 16 I went to a revival, with my two oldest brothers and a group of friends, at a small Baptist church near our home. I was saved through one of the services that week and baptized that Sunday. There should have been a huge change going on in my heart because of this experience but I know now, many years later, that I just did it because others in our little group did.
Fast forward a few years. I was working in the purchasing department of the county and a friend set me up with a friend of hers. We started dating and were engaged and married within a year. It lasted 3 months! More changes should have been going on here that were just not there. Looking back I know there were major red flags about the relationship that I should have recognized before walking down the aisle, but you know what they say about love being blind. There was no love...not really...so, I picked up the pieces of my heart and moved on.
Fast forward again, 1 year. My older brother has announced the first grand child of the family was going to be born in 8 months...in Dayton, OH (where my family lived now). My heart was so longing for family at this time that I packed up all my things and moved back into my parents home. One month after my move, God placed a man in my life who would change my world and my heart in a major way and for the rest of my life. Ok, think of some romantic music and click it on in your brain here. Two months after my move to Dayton, I had my first date with the man I would eventually marry and have two beautiful daughters with.
On one of our first dates, Terry (my husband) asked me if I knew Jesus Christ as my personal Savior. Yes, I told him. And that was the beginning of his planning to marry me. We have been married now for 29 years and have grown so close that sometimes I thing WE share the same brain cells and breathe the same air.
I know some of you are wondering why I would tell you all this, and bore some of you to tears, but I have reason to believe that if I fill you in on this information, it will help you understand why I write this blog in the first place. The reason is to share the many changes of my heart (and hopefully some of yours) through my experiences as a wife and mother for 29 years and also through my walk with God and the many changes He has made in my heart. The biggest change of all came when our daughter Courtney was about a year and a half old. We were at a church service listening to testimonies of choir members who had just returned from a trip to Wales. I was so moved by one of the testimonies that I began to question my own relationship with Jesus Christ to the point that I went forward to speak to a pastor and get my salvation experience confirmed.
After praying with the pastor, he gave me a small workbook that talked about assurance of your salvation. In it were Scripture verses to look up and answer questions about. We had a couple of meetings after and I was in deed assured that I was saved. This was the real beginning of my faith journey and the first oa many changes to my heart over the years. I participated in many women's Bible studies over the years, even led a few and God just keeps changing my heart through each one.
If you are seeking that type of heart changing relationship with a God who loves you enough to send his only Son to die on a cross for you, it is as simple as saying a prayer and asking God to forgive you for your sin (the bad stuff we all do) and asking Jesus to live in your heart and be your Savior. Does this mean you won't ever sin again after this? Absolutely not. Does it mean you will be changed instantly like you see on so many movies? Possibly. Does it mean you will have a relationship with a loving Father and live with Him in eternity? Yep! We don't have to even change the way we are to come to Him. He just bids us to come!
I feel like I've rambled in many directions on this the first entry to my blog. Hopefully, you found something interesting here and will return often to see other "changes of the heart".
Blessings
First a little about me. I was raised in Marietta, GA by two parents who were so in love that I think they breathed the same air and shared brain cells. They were never afraid to show affection toward each other in front of me and my 3 brothers. When I was 16 I went to a revival, with my two oldest brothers and a group of friends, at a small Baptist church near our home. I was saved through one of the services that week and baptized that Sunday. There should have been a huge change going on in my heart because of this experience but I know now, many years later, that I just did it because others in our little group did.
Fast forward a few years. I was working in the purchasing department of the county and a friend set me up with a friend of hers. We started dating and were engaged and married within a year. It lasted 3 months! More changes should have been going on here that were just not there. Looking back I know there were major red flags about the relationship that I should have recognized before walking down the aisle, but you know what they say about love being blind. There was no love...not really...so, I picked up the pieces of my heart and moved on.
Fast forward again, 1 year. My older brother has announced the first grand child of the family was going to be born in 8 months...in Dayton, OH (where my family lived now). My heart was so longing for family at this time that I packed up all my things and moved back into my parents home. One month after my move, God placed a man in my life who would change my world and my heart in a major way and for the rest of my life. Ok, think of some romantic music and click it on in your brain here. Two months after my move to Dayton, I had my first date with the man I would eventually marry and have two beautiful daughters with.
On one of our first dates, Terry (my husband) asked me if I knew Jesus Christ as my personal Savior. Yes, I told him. And that was the beginning of his planning to marry me. We have been married now for 29 years and have grown so close that sometimes I thing WE share the same brain cells and breathe the same air.
I know some of you are wondering why I would tell you all this, and bore some of you to tears, but I have reason to believe that if I fill you in on this information, it will help you understand why I write this blog in the first place. The reason is to share the many changes of my heart (and hopefully some of yours) through my experiences as a wife and mother for 29 years and also through my walk with God and the many changes He has made in my heart. The biggest change of all came when our daughter Courtney was about a year and a half old. We were at a church service listening to testimonies of choir members who had just returned from a trip to Wales. I was so moved by one of the testimonies that I began to question my own relationship with Jesus Christ to the point that I went forward to speak to a pastor and get my salvation experience confirmed.
After praying with the pastor, he gave me a small workbook that talked about assurance of your salvation. In it were Scripture verses to look up and answer questions about. We had a couple of meetings after and I was in deed assured that I was saved. This was the real beginning of my faith journey and the first oa many changes to my heart over the years. I participated in many women's Bible studies over the years, even led a few and God just keeps changing my heart through each one.
If you are seeking that type of heart changing relationship with a God who loves you enough to send his only Son to die on a cross for you, it is as simple as saying a prayer and asking God to forgive you for your sin (the bad stuff we all do) and asking Jesus to live in your heart and be your Savior. Does this mean you won't ever sin again after this? Absolutely not. Does it mean you will be changed instantly like you see on so many movies? Possibly. Does it mean you will have a relationship with a loving Father and live with Him in eternity? Yep! We don't have to even change the way we are to come to Him. He just bids us to come!
I feel like I've rambled in many directions on this the first entry to my blog. Hopefully, you found something interesting here and will return often to see other "changes of the heart".
Blessings
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